Pikes Peak

At the summit, a blind man is purchasing a book with photos of the Pikes Peak train ride. I listen as the sales associate describes to him what is inside and my heart sinks. I assume he is buying it for the enjoyment of family and friends. Thinking of those who couldn't be with him on this trip; while his loyal companion waits patiently at his feet.
I've never been so grateful for my camera, snapping photo after photo of the breathtaking view atop this giant. It's hard, but I close my eyes. I touch the wet granite, smell the fog and rain, and taste the moist air. I open my eyes to find Cody heading toward the edge.
"I don't want my husband to be the first casualty in the history of this ride!" He laughs, and when he takes my hand, I follow him. Our fingers intertwined and I ease my way down finding it easier to scale than I had thought.
I snap a photo of a rain puddle in the rocks and I can feel the flood begin. Visions of my beautiful life..my wedding, my nephews, sunrise by the ocean, the first snowfall, his eyes. Where would I be if I couldn't see all of this?
The rain has started up again and, thanks to my lack of makeup, I welcome the tiny droplets on my face and eyelashes. It's so cold up here, nearly a 50 degree difference, but it's refreshing. The littlest effort results in short breath, the air is so thin here.
Hearing the horn, we turn toward the train. The most vibrant rainbow I've ever seen reveals itself from behind the safety of the clouds and fog. My fingers are frozen as I capture the last few glimpses of landscape. I look up to find the blind man being assisted back to his seat. Cody is chatting with our new friends as we make the steep decline back to Manitou Springs. Places to see in our native states are being exchanged, increasing my desire to head out east to explore. Annapolis, Chesapeak Bay, ghost tours in Frederick, Appalachian Mountains. One of the girls, is moving out west for a job. What is fun to do out in Utah? Temple Square, Zions National Park, Park City, Moab. East coast: history. West coast: national parks.
My hand is cramping as I hastly record my thoughts of this day. Gratitude, humility, wonder, love. Codys wide-eyed wonder of these places opens my eyes to the things I take for granted: a raven circling at just over 14,000 feet, our trains diesel engines, the marmots darting from their rock shelters to investigate us. Some passengers are falling asleep. I fight my own drowsiness to look at my fellow train-mates. An oriental family with a son and daughter. The sons ipod resting carefully on his lap and his eyelids drooping as he nods to the beat. The daughter texting with her slim cell phone. A newlywed couple sits a few rows back, stroking each others hand and looking longingly out the window. His hand reaches up to brush some hair away from her eyes and she turns to kiss his cheek in thanks. His eyes linger on her face as she turns back to the window and I can just feel the warmth of his smile. So much love and hope in this beginning. I look to my left at my own sweetheart. His attention is on the GPS on his phone, but when I touch his hand he puts the phone away to hold it. We've talked so much on this trip, words aren't necessary at this moment. I love you. You're beautiful. I'm having so much fun. I'm so glad I came here with you.

It may be wishful thinking...but I will never take my sight for granted again.

hi hi hi hi

I was messing around online and came upon an avatar-creating site...so HERE I AM!:











She totally looks like me, right? Well, I had fun..

In other news, I had my sister-in-law Aubry highlight my hair on Saturday, so I'll have to get a photo sometime soon...don't get mad at me if it's not for a while. It's not that I'm busy really, there's just a lot of cleaning I need to do this week. It never recovered from our Denver trip (and the lack of regular cleaning for that week). Also, I finished reading Drums of Autumn by Diana Gabaldon (the 4th in her Outlander series) and I don't know why I didn't do this before hand, but I had to order the next two in the series. So, while waiting for Fiery Cross, I started reading Promise Me by Harlan Coben and I am hooked! I thought I could put that away when I got my book in the mail, but that's not happening! I really like the way he writes, it's not the best book I've read, but I'm too far into the story to put it down now. This book is a little shorter than the Diana Gabaldon books, so I should be able to finish it soon. Wish me luck!

P.S. We saw The Dark Knight over the weekend as well...not sure how we felt about it. I really loved Heath, Christian, and Maggies performances, but I don't know about the movie itself. I'm usually pretty easy going about movies, and I did like most of it. I guess maybe I just need to see it again when it comes to DVD and see how I feel then.

Denver..together!

We went to Denver for a little vacation (#2 for me!) August 1-5 and it was great! We got along really great..and I was a little surprised. Not that I was expecting it to be bad, it's just I didn't expect all the driving (8 hours one way!) to go that well...I took a ton of pictures, of course. I had my digital camera this time, instead of using my little brothers. We drove over Friday after work (about 3pm) and got there a little after 10pm, with great time! We talked a little with Pat, then crashed. SO TIRED!

Saturday, we were hoping to ride the Cog Train up Pikes Peak, but alas, there were no more reservations available when we got around to looking for stuff to do at noon. So, we decided to tour the Coors Brewery (largest in the world..) in Golden, CO. What a cute town! I loved seeing all the "golden" things..Golden Police, Golden Fire Department, Golden dumpsters..The actual tour was pretty cool! Very hot in the brewing room, I can't remember the exact temperature. We had the opportunity to test some of the brews at the end of the tour, but I politely declined their invitation. For me, if I don't like the smell, I'm assuming I won't like the taste either. But I get the impression that beer isn't for taste..

From Golden, we headed to downtown Denver. We ate at Arby's (oooo!), saw the Art Museum (pretty cool), the History Museum (very cool!), and the state capitol from a distance. I thoroughly enjoyed the History Museum..but I'm just a nerd that way. There was a lot of mining machinery (which Cody loved) and just awesome artifacts.

That night, our hosts had a BBQ and so I got to see Tami, her husband BJ, and their three girls for the second time this year. Considering I hadn't seen Tami for 8 years, that's pretty good! Scott brought out some horses, so we all got to have a turn riding Cherokee - the paint Scott takes care of. I hadn't ridden a horse in...probably 8 years! I was a little nervous, but I had fun! The food was great and we really enjoyed talking to everyone.

Sunday, we went to church with the Austins and it was testimony meeting. I loved listening to their ward share their testimonies, very humbling. After church, we had a little lunch, watched Wall-E on the laptop, then headed up to the Cog Train ride. It was such a beautiful ride! The tour took about 3 hours total, but I loved every minute of it! It was freezing at the summit; it was about 90* at the bottom and 40* at the top! I'm glad I listened to Pat and brought my jacket! 14,110 feet! We ate at Zio's Italian Restaurant that night and hit the sack..so tired, again!

Monday, we saw the U.S. Mint...and it was a little disappointing. We saw less than what they show you on the Discovery Channel, and we had to get our reservation 2 months in advance. I'm glad we got to go, there were some really cool artifacts there, but we were a little let down. I'm just glad the tickets were free! After the Mint, we decided to walk around the other sites in the city. We took a tour of the State Capitol, it was so beautiful! We saw the civic center, which was pretty cool too. Another jewel we found was the Unsinkable Molly Browns house/museum. I hadn't known she lived there, or I would've planned on visiting it! We weren't allowed to touch any of the antiques or original parts of the house, but I still learned so much about her! Did you know, her name wasn't even MOLLY?! It was effing Margaret. Broadway gave her that name because it sounded better with music..silly show-business! After seeing "Molly"s house, we ate at a little pizza place down the street, then headed back to the car. It was a very walk-ative day, but really awesome. I also saw and got to take some photos of the Cathedral Basilica of the Immaculate Conception ... google it, it's gorgeous.

^That's Molly Brown's house...incase you were wondering. The other photo is the Capitol. All in all, we had a very eventful stay over in Colorado. Cody got some guitar lessons from Mark and we got to eat out at Pat's favorite little Mexican restaurant where she has a "usual".. It was wonderful. Being able to relax with Cody and enjoy ourselves is something we really needed. Remind me to elaborate on the Pikes Peak trip..I have a lot more to express.

hell is for children...

Pat performed this song last night...with a little commentary prior. This is such an emotional song; "she was inspired when reading a series of articles in the New York Times about child abuse in America." Sadly, the song has been misinterpreted, but hearing her talk about this was amazing; it's such a heartbreaking subject, and she hit the nail on the head with the lyrics.

They cry in the dark, so you can't see their tears
They hide in the light, so you can't see their fears
Forgive and forget, all the while
Love and pain become one and the same
In the eyes of a wounded child
Because hell
Hell is for children
And you know that their little lives can become such a mess
Hell
Hell is for children
And you shouldn't have to pay for your love with your bones and your flesh

Its all so confusing, this brutal abusing
They blacken your eyes, and then apologize
"You're daddys good girl, and don't tell mommy a thing"
"Be a good little boy, and you'll get a new toy
Tell grandma you fell off the swing"

Because hell
Hell is for children
And you know that their little lives can become such a mess
Hell
Hell is for children
And you shouldn't have to pay for your love with your bones and your flesh

No, hell is for children

The whole concert was awesome. I recognized all but one of the songs they played...I thought I would just mouth the words to them, but that didn't last long! The songs were altered a little for the "live" aspect (which is to be expected), but since I had already heard one of her live cds, it wasn't too shocking. Her voice is so raspy, even her speaking voice..it was amazing! If it's possible, her husband (Neil Geraldo) has gotten better at the guitar and had some AMAZING solos...it was crazy! Yeah, he has grey hair, but who cares?! It was freaking hot! The concert was in a club in North Salt Lake City and even though we weren't that close to her, I just loved watching her perform the songs I've loved for so long. This was more than just a concert for me, they are songs from my childhood and they hold so many memories...I can't even tell you. I cried! I can't believe I cried, but I did! I wasn't a baby about it, but some of the songs just made tears come to my eyes. And looking over at my Mom and seeing how much she was enjoying it just made it that much better for me. My Dad enjoyed himself too, but he doesn't get into it as much as my Mom does...lol Next year is their 30th anniversary (being a band..) and so they have a big tour planned; I wouldn't mind attempting to see her again then. There wasn't a huge turn out for this one (and how is that supposed to make her want to come back to SLC?!), but I think it was because it was such short notice. My Mom has been looking on her site for concert dates for months now and she didn't hear about it until she was listening 103.5 (The Arrow) and they were advertising it on the radio! If there was a few months, I guarantee you that she would fill a theater or arena; no sweat! Especially if she teamed up with another big band. *sign* I had a good night...

I'll be posting about the rodeo soon..I haven't been able to get pictures on my computer yet, so yeah. We weren't allowed to bring cameras to this concert (EFF!), so I wasn't able to get any pictures. Jess is also having a bbq tomorrow evening, so I might have pictures of her and her son Carson after that.

Cody and I (another long one!)

It all started on Christmas Break in 2004. I had just finished up my first semester down in Cedar City attending Southern Utah University. I came home and went to Temple Square with some friends (Wade, Nathan – leaving on his mish soon, Ryane, Jason, and Cody) on one of the many nights spent with them. Wade and I had been fast friends since A Capella choir our senior year and had remained close through school and college. I hadn't realized it at the time, but Wade had had a crush on me for a while and proceeded to reveal his feelings to me before coming down to school. Since I didn't feel the same way and didn't want to jeopardize our awesome friendship by dating. Note: I really did mean that. Our relationship was such that I knew dating would have ruined it if things didn't work out. I know it's cliché, but it was the truth! Anyway, me being away was very hard for Wade. He was worried about me dating guys who weren't good for me and doing things I shouldn't, the usual. I had dated a few guys while down there and I was currently dating a boy named Ty when I had come home for the holiday break. I had no intention of getting romantically involved with anyone up north while I was there, not only because I was with someone else. The temple square night was great, I hadn't been there for a long time and it was perfect weather. That night, Cody and Wade walked me to my door and proceeded to come inside so we could talk. I can't remember exactly what we talked about, but I do remember feeling both of their eyes on me the entire time..Before they left I hugged both of them, and being entertained by it, Wade made Cody hug me a second time, declaring how “cute” it was. Every time we saw each other after that, Wade just got the biggest kick out of it, so who were we to deprive him? Now that we look back, we know Wade making us hug was a mistake (for him anyway), so it's kinda funny.

After Christmas break, I went back to school and continued to date Ty and finished up my school year. Cody and I talked occasionally through emails and MSN, but not that often. Wade continued to be worried about me and felt jealous of the dating I was doing down there. When I came back, Wade and I naturally picked up where we left off in our relationship. Wade had told me that Cody was attracted to me and thought I was cute, which is why he had encouraged us to hug all the time. I wasn't sure if I was attracted to Cody, but I enjoyed spending time with them both laughing and joking around. At the time, I was going through a hard time inwardly because I wasn't happy with the life I was living while down at school. I was doing things I shouldn't, and I just wasn't happy anymore. I attributed this to my current relationship with Ty, and with the “help” of Cody, decided to break things off with him. This was very hard because I still like Ty very much. It was very hard ending something that would be better for later on, when I was feeling so bad at the time. I wouldn't have been able to get through without Cody, I know that! During the few weeks I'd been home from school, Cody and I had been inseparable and had spent many a night talking about everything under the stars on my parents' porch swing. Cody had actually got his mission call to Detroit, Michigan around this time and was preparing for that. I knew that I would miss him a lot, but I also knew that missionary work was very important to the church, and for him as well. My parents warned us about becoming too close when he was going to be leaving and I thought we were doing a good job of that (pshaw!). Our first kiss was on June 10, 2005 (possible June 11^th at that point, as it was very late) and it was AMAZING... There had been so much tension between us, the kiss was so emotional, deep, and tingly... I can't even tell you! From that point on, if we weren't already inseparable, we were then. We went to a Jack Johnson concert toward the end of the summer, which is why "Better Together" by Jack Johnson is "our song". Everything just went so fast, a lot of that summer is a blur. When Wade found out that we were officially "together" there was quite the little dramatic episode, but we made it over that hurdle pretty soon after. I think there may still be some bitter feelings on Wade's part, but he has accepted things as they are. Inevitably, I had to go back down to school as I had signed up for classes and gotten an apartment with my roommates. Those were the toughest five months I've ever had! Cody's MTC date was quickly approaching, and I knew that I would have a very hard time letting him go. Cody was worried about me dating other guys as well, I can only imagine what it's like to love someone and hope that they wait for you, only to find out that they are married/engaged/pregnant when you get back! I did my best to assure him that I would wait for him, but I know in the back of him mind, he expected me to be married when he got back. We got to the point when he said that he wanted me to date while he was gone. If things worked out like we hoped, we would pick up where we left off when he got home and hopefully get married eventually. At the time, I was very scared of marriage, as I didn't want to turn out like my parents (fighting a lot, seeming unhappy, etc.) so the thought of getting married in two years sounded too soon to me. As time went on though, Cody was leaning more and more toward not going on his mission. I knew that I wasn't helping the situation, but I also knew that if he didn't want to go, he would be very unhappy while out. I believe that missionaries can be an amazing tool for the Gospel, but they can also do the opposite if their hearts aren't in the right place. I told Cody that if he decided to go, I would be supportive and see him off. But if he decided not to go, I would respect his decision. Apparently, he decided not to go. This was a very hard few weeks, with me being down at school and he out of work due to the mission. Over the course of that semester, we decided to get married and told our friends and family over Thanksgiving break. My parents were trying to get over the fact that he wasn't going on his mission, let alone that their daughter was getting married..so it was quite the hurdle for them. Over that break, Cody and I had went looking at rings and had decided on the type that I liked. Thinking that it would be at least Christmas before I got it, I was blown away when he dropped to one knee on Temple Square and proposed officially..We had been walking around, enjoying the lights and I had joked about how funny it would be if he proposed to me in front of the reflecting pool and see what people did. I feel horrible about it now, knowing what must have been going through his mind at the time, but it was hilarious! He didn't do it by reflecting pool, he waited until we were a little ways away from everyone else before he stopped.

“So, what were you saying about proposing here?”
“Oh, I was just kidding!”
“I wasn't,” (getting down on his knee and reaching into his coat pocket) “Will you marry me?”
“Oh my gosh!” I whispered “yes” into his neck in between sobs and he held me for about five minutes until I had composed myself enough to face the stares of the passersby.

Fast forward through all the planning and we were married on February 18, 2006 in the Manti Temple and honeymooned at a Bed 'n Breakfast in Heber (Sundowners Inn) for a few days. Wade was kind enough to sing "Bless This Broken Road" for our reception, as well as our other friend Nathan who sang "Better Together" with his guitar and everything! It was very sweet, and I enjoyed both thoroughly. We've moved like 4 times since then and finally settled in a two-bedroom, 1 bathroom “bungalow” in Springville.

Anything else? Let me know if you want to know more..I think I may have skipped over some things..

best friends..

Tuesday, the latter half, Cody and I were constantly fighting. It's complicated, but it basically comes down to the fact that we got married too early. I wasn't able to be independent before I became dependent on Cody. I go with him to hangout with his friends, I have to watch movies with him, we go to the store together, etc. I also depend on others for fun. Others, meaning my family, friends, etc. When presented with this argument, I knew it was true. I used to be a much happier person before getting married, and I don't remember what I was doing before that made me so happy. I'm thinking that it was my involvement in the church. I was laurel president, then I was in the nursery, I went on that church history tour, EFY, and my wards youth conference. Now, we're lucky if we go to sacrament once a month, let alone to all of the meetings. I know that regular scripture study, prayer, and church attendance (and possibly a calling...eek) would help us a lot. I just don't know what to do about my independence.. It's not realistic to say that I need to venture out on my own..because I'm married! I have bills to pay and my house to clean! I guess what I'm trying to say is..how can I fix my dependency if I can't really be independent?

It was a long quiet ride home from my brother's birthday party that night. I just don't know what to say when he's mad. I feel like I'm constantly walking on egg shells, I don't want to make it worse, but I'm not sure what will. But as we were driving home, one of my best friends Brittni called me. She said that she had felt like she needed to call me. Just when I thought I'd have to be silent the whole way home (you could cut the tension with a knife!), my Binny called and made me feel so much better. I just hope that someday I'll be able to act on a feeling like that and help a friend in need.

under construction...(long post!)

We're finally covered by insurance! After being without for our whole marriage (yeah, only two years..), I finally got some insurance from my work! I feel so relieved to finally be able to go to the doctor if we need it! No, we're not pregnant...everyone asks me that when I say that we just got insurance! (weird!)

I went to Denver with the fam damily in April to visit some friends of the family for a few days. I didn't realize how much I needed a vacation until I was over there, it was very nice. Plus, it's so beautiful over there! Pat and Mark were so nice to entertain us and be the hosts! I thoroughly enjoyed myself! Here's a pic of Jeremy and I at one of the monuments at Garden of the Gods. Beautiful national park!















Writing has been slow..I really want to expand on writing about my Grandmother. I'm in the process of getting the answering machine message from my mom and see if I can conjure up some more memories of her. My brother Kris said that I made him remember a lot, so as long as I can get my family to at least remember more, it will be time well spent. I don't want to kid myself, but I also don't want to discourage myself from expressing myself and possibly getting published someday. We'll see.

The little brother Jeremy got a snare position on the drumline at school. I'm so proud of him! I'd hate to see all the table-drumming to go to waste! :P He is also becoming a lot better with the guitar and I get bombarded with new songs every time I see him. When he really loves something, he just dives right in!

We're doing a physical wellness program at work (seeing as how we're a sit-down-company mostly) and I'm taking part in it. If we exercise at least three hours per week (monday-sunday), we get a raffle ticket towards a prize (I have yet to find out what it is). Even if I don't win, I don't see a problem with becoming more active! Just one step closer to feeling better about myself! Not that I'm depressed, or anything that major.. I just remember when I was happier with myself physically, and I want that again!

I started the next book in the series I'm reading and it's great! I thought I was just being a bad reader, but I had the hardest time finishing Voyager. It was a very good book, don't get me wrong. I guess I just started losing interest in the storyline. With Drums of Autumn, I'm getting caught up with some characters who weren't focused on as much in Voyager, and they are providing a fresh new story to spice things up! I love these books! Diana Gabaldon just has such a talent with describing scenery, characters, and situations that I just can't put the books down! I feel like I have the movies in my head through the whole thing and it's great!

As for the title of this post...our house is under construction right now. Currently, Cody is completely redoing out utility/laundry room. It started with wanting to redecorate the kitchen. To do that, we needed to move the gas lines as we wanted to move the stove. After the gas line was finished, the floor was ruined, and we decided we wanted to close in the furnace and water heater. We framed that in, and are now in the process of redoing the walls (still deciding on paint color and texture). Next up will be tile flooring, and then moving the washer/dryer back in officially. Once that's finished, we will evaluate our financial situation and begin gutting out the kitchen. We've already been without a stove for the past 3 weeks, so being without the entire kitchen shouldn't be too much of an adjustment (hint of sarcasm? cha.) I'm pretty confident in Cody's abilities seeing as how he finished the utility room by himself (mostly), so the kitchen shouldn't be too hard for him. I did, however, insist on asking family members/friends to help him do the kitchen so it will go faster. We also started taking off the back mudroom, so if you were to drive past our house, it would look like a bomb exploded back there...We have yet to finish that up, but we're also hoping to paint the exterior maybe later this summer, so that can wait. All I have to say is if our house value doesn't go up after all of these updates, I'm gonna hurt someone..*sigh*