Gifts for weight-loss?! SURE

I ordered two shirts online from one my favorite bands and they came in the mail today. I tried them on and BIG SHOCKER they're a little tight.. They were on sale, so they didn't have as many sizes; I thought for sure that getting a large would be enough. I gained some weight over the holidays (another BIG SHOCKER), so I'm actually not surprised they don't fit. To help me reach my goals, I'm going to gift-wrap my shirts. When I've lost what I gained over the holidays (roughly 10 lbs, rounding up of course), then I can open them and wear them! Hopefully 10 lbs will be enough. If not, they'll get wrapped again and I'll lose another 10! I think that's fair, considering wearing shirts that are too tight always lowers my self-esteem. The point is, I've been getting too comfortable with my lifestyle, thinking I was at least maintaining my weight (WRONG). So, I've decided that bribing myself with clothes is going to have to be my next tactic. Here are photos of the shirts, bask in the awesomeness, I say!!

*****************EDIT******************

Before photos .. Hopefully to be followed up by awesome after photos! Just a reminder, I am not pregnant! Even though some of these might look like a side profile similar to those done by pregnant women, I am not one of them yet. Don't get too excited haha

everyone else is doing it..

for original source

“For many years I worked in palliative care. My patients were those who had gone home to die. Some incredibly special times were shared. I was with them for the last three to twelve weeks of their lives.


People grow a lot when they are faced with their own mortality. I learnt never to underestimate someone’s capacity for growth. Some changes were phenomenal. Each experienced a variety of emotions, as expected, denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial and eventually acceptance. Every single patient found their peace before they departed though, every one of them.


When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again. Here are the most common five:


1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me. 
This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.
It is very important to try and honour at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.


2. I wish I didn’t work so hard.
This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.
By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.


3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.
We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.


4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.
It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.


5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.
This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.
When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying."

November goals?

1. Exercise of some kind 5 days/week! {I always feel obligated to do something amazing everyday, and then I don't.. I just want to do something every day!}
2. No ice cream! {this will be hard, but I think I can do it!}


3. Finish Work and the Glory {I'm almost done with book 8 out of 9!}
4. Start reading the Hobbit, followed by LOTR {purchased on Amazon 5 seconds ago..}


5. Make or buy Christmas for everyone! {I just want to at least get started so I'm not rushing next month..}

2 hours..

I got the call last night that AMP is finished for the year. My first thought was "I FINALLY HAVE EVENINGS/WEEKENDS OFF!!" and then I thought about missing out on two hours of work per day .. Honestly, I think we'll be ok. I've decided I'm going to keep looking for something full time. Nu Skin hasn't worked out quite the way I would have liked, but that's not really their fault either. I stayed with Nu Skin in the hopes that I could eventually switch to full-time. They have given me two more hours (bringing my daily total up to 6!!), but that's probably not going to cut it.

I would give anything to just not have to work anymore, but that's definitely not happening any time soon. I might as well try to find something paying more so we can pay off debt and get in a better place financially. My dad has expressed to me that any income from me should be treated as a gift since Cody should be the sole provider in our marriage .. Even though we both agree that it is Cody's responsibility, the debt we are in is due to decisions we made together. Paying it off will have to be a team effort, as was acquiring the debt in the first place. I love my job with Nu Skin so much, but I don't think it's going to work out perfectly like I planned.

Here is my Pros/Cons list for this new situation!
Pros: evenings and weekends off, more time with Cody, more time to focus on my calling, more time to clean, I can make dinner for Cody, and possibly reinstate movie night?
Cons: less money and I'll miss my old co-workers, I might have to leave Nu Skin.

I'm sure there are more cons to losing this job, but I can't think of them right now. I have an appointment to donate plasma next Monday, so I'm hoping that will be able to help out with the money part. I should have enough time to donate twice a week if I take the earlier appointments (it takes up to two hours!!).

In other news, my cousin Sam passed away over the weekend, so I might be going to his viewing Thursday evening and then I'm going to his funeral Friday morning. I wasn't planning on going to the viewing until I found out AMP doesn't need me anymore, so I'm hoping to do both. Sam and I weren't very close the last few years of his life, but more than anything I just can't imagine what my Aunt Kim and Uncle Randy must be going through. Unfortunately, he took his own life, and I just can't fathom what that would be like for his family. I never ever thought I would have that happen to anyone I know, let alone a family member, and I just can't stop thinking about what could have been going on his life, what anguish he must have been going through .. I've been praying constantly for comfort and forgiveness for my family. This has struck me a lot harder than I would have anticipated, and it's definitely reminded me how lucky I am to have my family and friends in my life.

Shh...

Don't tell anyone, especially not Cody.. But I think I'm baby-hungry again. I know it has a lot to do with reading Mommy blogs and seeing my friends and family having babies.. But I also feel like we should be getting around to this by now. We've been married almost 6 years! I can't tell you how grateful I am that we waited to have kids. I love Cody, always have and always will. But I don't think I could've handled having a kid with the Cody I first married. We've both changed and improved quite a bit and I'm really glad we've had these years to grow together and just be the two of us {with our chickens, of course!}. I know Cody wants to have kids with me and he is excited to have that someday, but he's just so worried about money and being able to provide for a family. And I completely understand that.

I guess where I'm at right now is wanting to be able to trust in the Lord and His timing. I've had so many great examples of faith in my life with my friends and family. I just know that if we completely trust in Him, He will take care of us. I just don't have enough courage for that. I've had some friends say that they prayed about it, decided they were supposed to have a baby, so they did! Even though they didn't have everything planned out, their finances weren't perfect, etc. And it worked out for them! I just wish that Cody and I had that faith.

My goal is to work on myself. I need to start over and get down to the basics of the Gospel. I need to focus on my calling, read the scriptures, pray, and just be a better me. I've been trying so hard to be a good example for Cody, but there are still things that I need to work on for me! My well-being is important too, and I've been so worried about rekindling Cody's testimony, mine is lacking now.. So, there you have it. I am going to work on me and hopefully I'll be back on track soon. I'm also planning on looking around at other job options. I know that if I were to find something that pays a little more, that would only help us on our way to being more financially independent {less debt!!} and it would be good to check around, just in case Nu Skin doesn't end up working out. I love my job so much here, but I want to be prepared.

Bye Bye Summer...

Enter, the Summer of hell.. It began with being laid-off from one my favorite jobs ever in April. I was lucky enough {and I really mean lucky} to find two decent part-time jobs. One with Nu Skin, which has been very very awesome. The second is with AMP Security, doing data entry. The job itself isn't bad at all, I actually enjoy it and it's pretty easy. The downside of this job was that I had to work 5:30-9:30 or 10pm most nights, and I couldn't have Saturdays off. Again, I realize that I am lucky to have found any jobs at all after being laid-off.

I also got called to be a Beehive Advisor in my ward. This calling has been amazing so far and I love the girls and the other leaders I work with. Girls Camp was at the end of June, so I headed up there for a night to help out. That's when I killed my car. I broke the oil pan while I was up the canyon, which then leaked all the way home and the engine was destroyed by the time I made it back to my house. Oil all over the driveway. I called my mom freaking out, and she came to assess the situation. She was a little too optimistic about the situation and said it would be ok. She helped me clean up the driveway and now you can't even tell it had oil all over it at one point. The situation was not ok, as it turned out. The insurance offered to help, but they wanted to total the car. So, even though it's fixed, it is no longer worth anything with it's lovely salvaged title. The money we spent on saving the car was meant for lanscaping the backyard, so we will have to put that off for another year and a half, probably.

Besides just being a rough Summer in general, I feel that our marriage has been tried over and over as well. My weird work schedule started out being ok. I didn't like having to work that late, but it didn't seem to bother Cody too much. Now, he is reaching his breaking point and he just wants me home. I completely understand where he is coming from. First, we just don't have much time to spend together anymore. And then comes the wifely duties.. I'm not home to cook at all and the housework has all but stopped completely since I started these jobs. But I really shouldn't even blame it on work. Truthfully, I have until 12:30pm every day that I could devote to cleaning, but most days I sleep in until around 8am, then proceed to either work out or watch Netflix/Hulu. I do the basics and when something gets really bad, I take care of it.

Besides cooler weather, Halloween, and the coming of the Holiday season, I just want this Summer to end. I want this chapter in my life to be over. Unfortunately, I'm thinking that I was given these trials to learn a lesson and that I may have failed. In other words, this is probably far from over. But at least I'm working on it! Such is life, I suppose.

just another Thursday, I suppose..

Let me just start by saying that I am so grateful that we are not as broke as Cody makes it seem on a regular basis. I could take initiative and look at our bank account sometimes, but still. He makes it seem like if I buy too many groceries that we'll be out on the street.

He bought a nook today. That's right.. We have a library FULL of books yet to be read, and he bought a nook because apparently you can use it as a tablet with a few tweaks. If he decides he likes it, he's going to buy me one. But if he doesn't like it, he'll give it to me to use for ebooks. Gee-wiz!

I realize that he has figured out that I will most likely agree to whatever he decides we should buy. And it's true! If he had called and talked to me about it, I may have rolled my eyes. But I wouldn't have told him no. As long as it's within our limits, I don't see the point in just putting my foot down every time he wants something. It just would've been nice to have been asked. Ya know? I feel obligated to tell him about anything I want to buy aside from groceries and I am rarely granted the same courtesy. And I do get quite a bit of eye-rolling and "really?"-'s when I do decide to get something for myself.

------------------

On a happier note, my boss at NuSkin has let me know that from November through February (whenever my co-worker has her little bundle of joy and goes on maternity-leave), I will be able to be on full-time with them. Great news! I just need to find another part time gig for the mornings in the event that AMP lets me go before November (inevitable, really). But even then, Cody says we could probably makes ends meet for a month or two if we need to. I'm excited to have a full-time schedule for the holidays at least.