2 hours..

I got the call last night that AMP is finished for the year. My first thought was "I FINALLY HAVE EVENINGS/WEEKENDS OFF!!" and then I thought about missing out on two hours of work per day .. Honestly, I think we'll be ok. I've decided I'm going to keep looking for something full time. Nu Skin hasn't worked out quite the way I would have liked, but that's not really their fault either. I stayed with Nu Skin in the hopes that I could eventually switch to full-time. They have given me two more hours (bringing my daily total up to 6!!), but that's probably not going to cut it.

I would give anything to just not have to work anymore, but that's definitely not happening any time soon. I might as well try to find something paying more so we can pay off debt and get in a better place financially. My dad has expressed to me that any income from me should be treated as a gift since Cody should be the sole provider in our marriage .. Even though we both agree that it is Cody's responsibility, the debt we are in is due to decisions we made together. Paying it off will have to be a team effort, as was acquiring the debt in the first place. I love my job with Nu Skin so much, but I don't think it's going to work out perfectly like I planned.

Here is my Pros/Cons list for this new situation!
Pros: evenings and weekends off, more time with Cody, more time to focus on my calling, more time to clean, I can make dinner for Cody, and possibly reinstate movie night?
Cons: less money and I'll miss my old co-workers, I might have to leave Nu Skin.

I'm sure there are more cons to losing this job, but I can't think of them right now. I have an appointment to donate plasma next Monday, so I'm hoping that will be able to help out with the money part. I should have enough time to donate twice a week if I take the earlier appointments (it takes up to two hours!!).

In other news, my cousin Sam passed away over the weekend, so I might be going to his viewing Thursday evening and then I'm going to his funeral Friday morning. I wasn't planning on going to the viewing until I found out AMP doesn't need me anymore, so I'm hoping to do both. Sam and I weren't very close the last few years of his life, but more than anything I just can't imagine what my Aunt Kim and Uncle Randy must be going through. Unfortunately, he took his own life, and I just can't fathom what that would be like for his family. I never ever thought I would have that happen to anyone I know, let alone a family member, and I just can't stop thinking about what could have been going on his life, what anguish he must have been going through .. I've been praying constantly for comfort and forgiveness for my family. This has struck me a lot harder than I would have anticipated, and it's definitely reminded me how lucky I am to have my family and friends in my life.

Shh...

Don't tell anyone, especially not Cody.. But I think I'm baby-hungry again. I know it has a lot to do with reading Mommy blogs and seeing my friends and family having babies.. But I also feel like we should be getting around to this by now. We've been married almost 6 years! I can't tell you how grateful I am that we waited to have kids. I love Cody, always have and always will. But I don't think I could've handled having a kid with the Cody I first married. We've both changed and improved quite a bit and I'm really glad we've had these years to grow together and just be the two of us {with our chickens, of course!}. I know Cody wants to have kids with me and he is excited to have that someday, but he's just so worried about money and being able to provide for a family. And I completely understand that.

I guess where I'm at right now is wanting to be able to trust in the Lord and His timing. I've had so many great examples of faith in my life with my friends and family. I just know that if we completely trust in Him, He will take care of us. I just don't have enough courage for that. I've had some friends say that they prayed about it, decided they were supposed to have a baby, so they did! Even though they didn't have everything planned out, their finances weren't perfect, etc. And it worked out for them! I just wish that Cody and I had that faith.

My goal is to work on myself. I need to start over and get down to the basics of the Gospel. I need to focus on my calling, read the scriptures, pray, and just be a better me. I've been trying so hard to be a good example for Cody, but there are still things that I need to work on for me! My well-being is important too, and I've been so worried about rekindling Cody's testimony, mine is lacking now.. So, there you have it. I am going to work on me and hopefully I'll be back on track soon. I'm also planning on looking around at other job options. I know that if I were to find something that pays a little more, that would only help us on our way to being more financially independent {less debt!!} and it would be good to check around, just in case Nu Skin doesn't end up working out. I love my job so much here, but I want to be prepared.