We got news yesterday that two of our closest friends are expecting their first baby together. I'm so happy for them, but I'm having a little pity party right now.. I was surprised to hear Cody say that he is jealous when we were getting ready for bed last night. Then started the inevitable "maybe we should just do it and figure things out later" conversation. I know that it would most likely be ok for us to do that, but I still get anxiety thinking about it. We've considered doing that several times in the past, but we always chicken-out at the last minute. I was feeling extra tender last night when we were talking about it, but my attitude was wrong.. I wish I had suggested we pray about it instead of feeling negative. As a couple, the only time we've relied on prayer for decisions was deciding whether or not to get married.
Cody is a negative person and is constantly making himself stressed because of things that are out of his control. Starting a family has got to be up there on that scale, so I don't expect him to be mister optimistic about it. But as a woman, I can't help but think that his reluctance has something to do with his feelings about me as a potential mother. Or what if he's worried we won't stay together? We've been married for almost 7 years now, so I think that we're staying together. But having a baby can change everything. I worry about being a mother too, but I can't help but think that it's what I'm meant to do. Not just because it's what the church expects of me. I know that's where I want to be someday.
Even though I'm feeling a little down about this, I know that having such close friends start their family will definitely be eye-opening for us. Especially since they've been married for 2 years, compared to our almost 7 years. Feeling negative and worried is not what Heavenly Father wants us to feel like when considering starting our family, so I know these feelings are not coming from Him. We definitely need to get our priorities in order and pray about what to do.
