November goals?

1. Exercise of some kind 5 days/week! {I always feel obligated to do something amazing everyday, and then I don't.. I just want to do something every day!}
2. No ice cream! {this will be hard, but I think I can do it!}


3. Finish Work and the Glory {I'm almost done with book 8 out of 9!}
4. Start reading the Hobbit, followed by LOTR {purchased on Amazon 5 seconds ago..}


5. Make or buy Christmas for everyone! {I just want to at least get started so I'm not rushing next month..}

2 hours..

I got the call last night that AMP is finished for the year. My first thought was "I FINALLY HAVE EVENINGS/WEEKENDS OFF!!" and then I thought about missing out on two hours of work per day .. Honestly, I think we'll be ok. I've decided I'm going to keep looking for something full time. Nu Skin hasn't worked out quite the way I would have liked, but that's not really their fault either. I stayed with Nu Skin in the hopes that I could eventually switch to full-time. They have given me two more hours (bringing my daily total up to 6!!), but that's probably not going to cut it.

I would give anything to just not have to work anymore, but that's definitely not happening any time soon. I might as well try to find something paying more so we can pay off debt and get in a better place financially. My dad has expressed to me that any income from me should be treated as a gift since Cody should be the sole provider in our marriage .. Even though we both agree that it is Cody's responsibility, the debt we are in is due to decisions we made together. Paying it off will have to be a team effort, as was acquiring the debt in the first place. I love my job with Nu Skin so much, but I don't think it's going to work out perfectly like I planned.

Here is my Pros/Cons list for this new situation!
Pros: evenings and weekends off, more time with Cody, more time to focus on my calling, more time to clean, I can make dinner for Cody, and possibly reinstate movie night?
Cons: less money and I'll miss my old co-workers, I might have to leave Nu Skin.

I'm sure there are more cons to losing this job, but I can't think of them right now. I have an appointment to donate plasma next Monday, so I'm hoping that will be able to help out with the money part. I should have enough time to donate twice a week if I take the earlier appointments (it takes up to two hours!!).

In other news, my cousin Sam passed away over the weekend, so I might be going to his viewing Thursday evening and then I'm going to his funeral Friday morning. I wasn't planning on going to the viewing until I found out AMP doesn't need me anymore, so I'm hoping to do both. Sam and I weren't very close the last few years of his life, but more than anything I just can't imagine what my Aunt Kim and Uncle Randy must be going through. Unfortunately, he took his own life, and I just can't fathom what that would be like for his family. I never ever thought I would have that happen to anyone I know, let alone a family member, and I just can't stop thinking about what could have been going on his life, what anguish he must have been going through .. I've been praying constantly for comfort and forgiveness for my family. This has struck me a lot harder than I would have anticipated, and it's definitely reminded me how lucky I am to have my family and friends in my life.

Shh...

Don't tell anyone, especially not Cody.. But I think I'm baby-hungry again. I know it has a lot to do with reading Mommy blogs and seeing my friends and family having babies.. But I also feel like we should be getting around to this by now. We've been married almost 6 years! I can't tell you how grateful I am that we waited to have kids. I love Cody, always have and always will. But I don't think I could've handled having a kid with the Cody I first married. We've both changed and improved quite a bit and I'm really glad we've had these years to grow together and just be the two of us {with our chickens, of course!}. I know Cody wants to have kids with me and he is excited to have that someday, but he's just so worried about money and being able to provide for a family. And I completely understand that.

I guess where I'm at right now is wanting to be able to trust in the Lord and His timing. I've had so many great examples of faith in my life with my friends and family. I just know that if we completely trust in Him, He will take care of us. I just don't have enough courage for that. I've had some friends say that they prayed about it, decided they were supposed to have a baby, so they did! Even though they didn't have everything planned out, their finances weren't perfect, etc. And it worked out for them! I just wish that Cody and I had that faith.

My goal is to work on myself. I need to start over and get down to the basics of the Gospel. I need to focus on my calling, read the scriptures, pray, and just be a better me. I've been trying so hard to be a good example for Cody, but there are still things that I need to work on for me! My well-being is important too, and I've been so worried about rekindling Cody's testimony, mine is lacking now.. So, there you have it. I am going to work on me and hopefully I'll be back on track soon. I'm also planning on looking around at other job options. I know that if I were to find something that pays a little more, that would only help us on our way to being more financially independent {less debt!!} and it would be good to check around, just in case Nu Skin doesn't end up working out. I love my job so much here, but I want to be prepared.

Bye Bye Summer...

Enter, the Summer of hell.. It began with being laid-off from one my favorite jobs ever in April. I was lucky enough {and I really mean lucky} to find two decent part-time jobs. One with Nu Skin, which has been very very awesome. The second is with AMP Security, doing data entry. The job itself isn't bad at all, I actually enjoy it and it's pretty easy. The downside of this job was that I had to work 5:30-9:30 or 10pm most nights, and I couldn't have Saturdays off. Again, I realize that I am lucky to have found any jobs at all after being laid-off.

I also got called to be a Beehive Advisor in my ward. This calling has been amazing so far and I love the girls and the other leaders I work with. Girls Camp was at the end of June, so I headed up there for a night to help out. That's when I killed my car. I broke the oil pan while I was up the canyon, which then leaked all the way home and the engine was destroyed by the time I made it back to my house. Oil all over the driveway. I called my mom freaking out, and she came to assess the situation. She was a little too optimistic about the situation and said it would be ok. She helped me clean up the driveway and now you can't even tell it had oil all over it at one point. The situation was not ok, as it turned out. The insurance offered to help, but they wanted to total the car. So, even though it's fixed, it is no longer worth anything with it's lovely salvaged title. The money we spent on saving the car was meant for lanscaping the backyard, so we will have to put that off for another year and a half, probably.

Besides just being a rough Summer in general, I feel that our marriage has been tried over and over as well. My weird work schedule started out being ok. I didn't like having to work that late, but it didn't seem to bother Cody too much. Now, he is reaching his breaking point and he just wants me home. I completely understand where he is coming from. First, we just don't have much time to spend together anymore. And then comes the wifely duties.. I'm not home to cook at all and the housework has all but stopped completely since I started these jobs. But I really shouldn't even blame it on work. Truthfully, I have until 12:30pm every day that I could devote to cleaning, but most days I sleep in until around 8am, then proceed to either work out or watch Netflix/Hulu. I do the basics and when something gets really bad, I take care of it.

Besides cooler weather, Halloween, and the coming of the Holiday season, I just want this Summer to end. I want this chapter in my life to be over. Unfortunately, I'm thinking that I was given these trials to learn a lesson and that I may have failed. In other words, this is probably far from over. But at least I'm working on it! Such is life, I suppose.

just another Thursday, I suppose..

Let me just start by saying that I am so grateful that we are not as broke as Cody makes it seem on a regular basis. I could take initiative and look at our bank account sometimes, but still. He makes it seem like if I buy too many groceries that we'll be out on the street.

He bought a nook today. That's right.. We have a library FULL of books yet to be read, and he bought a nook because apparently you can use it as a tablet with a few tweaks. If he decides he likes it, he's going to buy me one. But if he doesn't like it, he'll give it to me to use for ebooks. Gee-wiz!

I realize that he has figured out that I will most likely agree to whatever he decides we should buy. And it's true! If he had called and talked to me about it, I may have rolled my eyes. But I wouldn't have told him no. As long as it's within our limits, I don't see the point in just putting my foot down every time he wants something. It just would've been nice to have been asked. Ya know? I feel obligated to tell him about anything I want to buy aside from groceries and I am rarely granted the same courtesy. And I do get quite a bit of eye-rolling and "really?"-'s when I do decide to get something for myself.

------------------

On a happier note, my boss at NuSkin has let me know that from November through February (whenever my co-worker has her little bundle of joy and goes on maternity-leave), I will be able to be on full-time with them. Great news! I just need to find another part time gig for the mornings in the event that AMP lets me go before November (inevitable, really). But even then, Cody says we could probably makes ends meet for a month or two if we need to. I'm excited to have a full-time schedule for the holidays at least.

Pros and Cons of Owning a Bugatti Veyron (UPDATE: 2011 Super Sport)

Of course, I haven't the slightest idea what it would be like to own such a magnificent vehicle, nor will I ever in my lifetime. BUT! I did a post on this back in 2009 and I wanted to bring it back with updates! After all, they have released the Super Sport edition (SS .. Maybe didn't sound too good, coming from a German car company. Super Sport sounds much better), so why not sing it's praises again?! I love love love this car, oh so much! Other cars have tried to replace it, but it can't be done! Bugatti comes back stronger, faster, and better every year, without fail.. Onward!

Cons: 
Price $2.7 million
City: 8mpg
Highway: 13mpg
$15,000 per year to insure
Tires $36,000 per set
$102,000 to change them, and only in France
Electronically limited to 258 mph, to protect the tires (like 10 miles will help you that much..)

Pros:
1200 horsepower
268 mph top speed
0-60 mph in 2.5 seconds (!!!!)
16 cylinder engine (equivilant to two (2) V8 engines)
Four (4) turbo-chargers
7-Speed DSG transmission
Permanent all-wheel drive
10 radiators
Highest top speed of any "street legal production" car
Radio, cd player, a/c and heating.. just like a regular car!

Brakes?
Made of carbon fiber reinforced silicon carbide composite discs. ABS (anti-lock) is also on the handbrake. Claimed to brake from 250 mph to standstill in 10 seconds. But it takes a third of a mile to reach standstill.

Top Speed?
Hydraulics lower the car to 9cm above the road to hold it closer to the ground once the car reaches 140 mph, while the spoiler deploys providing down-force. To reach top speed, a key on the drivers seat must be turned, then the car decides whether the car and the driver are ready to attempt the top speed. At this point, the rear spoiler goes back in, and then the ground clearance drops to 6.5 cm.

Top Gear praise:
At top speed, it was "totally undramatic" only noting a small wobble when the air brake moved into the vertical position to help slow the car down.
Named "car of the decade" in 2009.
"the greatest piece of engineering ever. No, I'm sorry, this is the greatest car ever made and the greatest we will ever see in our lifetime."
"On a  recent drive across Europe I desperately wanted to reach the top speed, but I ran out of road when the needle hit 240 mph. Where, astonishingly, it felt planted. Totally and utterly rock steady. It felt sublime."
"Utterly, stunningly, mind blowingly, jaw droppingly brilliant." - Jeremy Clarkson in his 2005 review for The Times. (My words are nowhere near witty or clever enough to relay this information. Please do head over to his review, Jeremy has such a way with words..)
Video of James May's first top-speed run with the Veyron back in 2006
Video of Super Sport run with James May (January 2011?)

But, wait! There's more! Bonus Top Gear video of Jeremy Clarkson driving a Relient Robin around .. Hilarity will ensue..

too soon?

I read this over at My So-Called Chaos and I figured I should update my blog with something other than my rants.. SO!

1. What is your favorite holiday?

I would say it's a toss-up between Halloween and Christmas. I remember when I was growing up, my little brother and I would plan our costumes over Summer vacation (it usually changed three or eight times before the actual day, but we were kids..) and it was just so much fun. I didn't stop trick-or-treating until my first year of college (I was 18 at this point). But if you enjoy candy as much as I do (especially FREE candy) and you were as small and I am, you'd do it too! Halloween has always been filled with candy, friends, and bonding with my little brother. Christmas is also my favorite because I love gifts! And more candy! And I love giving to my loved ones.

A good mix of Christmas AND Halloween, wouldn't you say?

2. Do you have any fun Holiday traditions?

Yes! Opening a small gift on Christmas Eve was a common one with us. When we were younger, it was usually a toy of some kind, but we got pj's as well. That night, we would always watch the Savior's birth, and then put out a few cookies and milk for Santa. When we had grown a little more (when I was in Jr. High, I believe), we started having a candlelit dinner with fish, bread, and cheeses. I know that there were probably inaccuracies in our assumptions of the foods eaten in the old days, but it was such an intimate and yummy meal with the family. We still do this one, but not every year. When kids grow up and get married, things change. We would also pick the spot where we wanted Santa to leave our gifts by putting our stockings in that place. I always tried to get a couch spot. Then we would all go downstairs together in the morning to see what we had been given. My little brother and I would always sleep in the same room the night before because we knew we wouldn't be able to sleep.. The ANTICIPATION!!

I remember one thing my little brother and I used to do every Halloween was (weather permitting) gathering all of our candy and getting on the trampoline in the back yard and dividing/sorting everything into their groups.

3. When do you start Christmas shopping?

For the longest time, I always felt like I was rushing to do my shopping because I always waited until after Thanksgiving.. Now I have it figured out! I try to remember all year, but especially around this time, I start to focus on certain people in my life and try to find things for them. That way, if I find a book on sale for my dad around General Conference time, I just get it and then wrap it later. My sister-in-law Heidi has the funniest mom, and she inspired me to start doing this. Whenever I've come to visit them on Christmas morning, I find that they've unwrapped all the most random gifts, and I found out that she just thrifts for everyone all the time. She finds the most amazing things and I would love to be famous for that with my family. It's so much thought and I think they appreciate it. Also, that way I can get stuff online and not have to worry that it won't make it in time! >>

4. What is your favorite Holiday food?

Egg nog! AND Pomegranate! My parents always have a good stock of both, thank heavens, and I just LOVE it!

5. Share a favorite childhood holiday memory..
Another Christmas tradition I forgot to mention is that every Christmas morning, we all come down together to look at the gifts. Then we got dressed while my mother made breakfast (waffles, eggs, bacon, etc.) and then we ate. After everyone had their fill, we all gathered around the tree to open the family gifts. I loved getting new toys and clothes, but my favorite part of Christmas is, by far, seeing my family open their gifts. I just love my friends and family so much, watching them open a present from me or someone else is just so magical.

6. Have you ever actually tried fruitcake?
I think have tried the homemade kind, which was pretty tasty! I've heard the store-bought kind is yucky, so I'm going to hold off on eating that anytime soon.

{heavy heart}

When was the last time you felt like your heart was heavier? That's what I'm feeling right now. And the fact that I feel that way, makes me feel worse because it's ridiculous. I have a great life and I have many many things to be grateful for. Even though I don't want this blog to be rant blog, it's nice to know I have a place to go when I want to get these feelings off my chest, because I worry it wouldn't be understood anywhere else.

I don't even know what I was planning on writing about. I know that I'm falling for all of the tricks Satan is dishing out with feeling discouraged and down on myself. I think I just need a vacation of some kind. Just dealing with ruining my car and the possibility of getting laid-off of AMP (hasn't happened YET), and not reaching my exercise goals this summer.. I just want to go away and not think about anything for a while. When I first killed the car, Cody mentioned going on a short trip somewhere, but nothing ever came of it. Probably a good thing since we ended up having to refinance the car to get the title salvaged. But still..

I have so much to be grateful for and I'm surrounded by supportive friends and family. So feeling this way only makes it worse. I feel really selfish and ungrateful and useless. I'm looking forward to a nice hug from Cody tonight when I get home from work. Here's hoping he's in a good mood so I can get that hug :)

good times..

"Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn the light on.." Albus Dumbledore

It's times like these that I just want to crawl into a hole and read all of my favorite books. I did something really stupid with my car and now the engine is dead and our insurance is totaling it because the repairs would be more than the car is worth.. Here is Cody's grieving cycle:

{before he'd seen the car} he was understanding and told me not to worry.

{after he'd come home early from work to evaluate the damage} livid.

{after calming down a bit} apologetic, understanding to the fact that it had been an accident, although stupid on my part, and that I loved the car as much as he did. Even brought me a soda at work to hug me.

{after a day or two} jokingly bringing it up around our friends and family.

{after a few more days to process} stressed out, bitter, and just generally depressed about the whole situation.

This is where we are at this point. He was pretty upset last night when we got on the subject. Today he has been pretty nice. Even suggesting we get away for a few days up in SLC to relax and forget about life for a few days. I'm all for this idea except that it seems like a typical idea from Cody which will inevitably lead to him having vacationers-remorse {more commonly in our situation, he experiences this before we leave, which leads to us NOT going. Also known as buyers-remorse, which also happens quite often} and will only make him feel worse.

It just seems like every time we seem to be doing well, something happens/I do something stupid/unexpected expenses arise. I know I shouldn't connect these dots, but I wouldn't have hurt the car if I hadn't been trying to get up the canyon for girls camp. I got up there, had an awesome time, and then came back in time for a job interview and the car wouldn't start. I ruined the oil pan on my drive back (I'm assuming), which in turn ruined the engine. I shouldn't have even taken the car up there, I don't know what I was thinking {I wasn't thinking, that's the problem} ..

So now we've lost our favorite car ever. And I know complaining about it won't bring the car back, but that doesn't change the fact that it was something I did and I feel just awful. I was avoiding blogging about this because I didn't want to get back into my ranting routines, but I just needed to get this out. We'll get through this just like we've gotten through every other annoyance in our 5 1/2 years of marriage. It just sucks right now, but it'll get better. My family has let me use their corolla, so I'm super grateful for that. I wouldn't be surprised if Cody's parents didn't dive into their inheritance from Grandma Larsen and gave us some. Our families are just super.

looking..

Alright, I didn't think it would come this quickly, but my seasonal job has started firing people I thought were super good employees.. So, I'm thinking my time is coming a lot sooner than I originally anticipated.

I know I should've been looking for jobs all during these last few months, but I guess I was hoping I would have something figured out with Nu Skin so that I wouldn't have to find another part time job. My co-worker is expecting her first baby in November {yay!}, so I guess I'm hoping that when it comes time for her to go on maternity-leave that I'll be able to take over the full-time shift. I really really like my job here and I would love to stay if I can. I was worried that with a pay cut that Cody and I would be struggling, but with some cut-backs, we've actually been able to save quite a bit. Now that I'm confident that I don't have to be making $10/hr to make ends meet, I would really like to stay with Nu Skin. It's just been a great company to work for and I love it.

What I'm trying to say is that I'm getting really tired of looking for jobs. There doesn't seem to be as much right now {probably due to the fact that students are still out of school and working}, so it's been a little discouraging. Especially since I want to find a job I can do during the day to help with being called to be a Beehive adviser for the ward. I want a day job so I can be available for camp {I can only go to one day of camp this year and it's a BUMMER!}, activities and such. I'm hoping since I got this calling that God will help me find a better job so I can magnify my calling {please?!}.

Needless to say, tensions are a little high at the other job because people are worried about being fired. I was hoping I'd be able to stay on after the busy season, but I'm not very confident. I really like the job, but the late schedule is starting to bother Cody {5:30-9:30pm} because when he's home, I'm at work. I don't particularly like working that late either, but I've enjoyed the work {super easy} and my co-workers are freaking hilarious. I'll be sad to leave, but it's nice to know there are fun phone jobs out there. And it will be good to get rid of that late schedule if I can.

Day 30!

Did I learn anything?

I guess I could say that with this 30-day blogging challenge, I'm remembering how much fun I had back when I posted more and I posted about things I was interested in. I think it's nice to have a place for me to vent my frustrations, but I don't want this to be just for that. I've never felt that my blog should be the typical blog with certain days of the week assigned to certain topics. I do admire those who do that *hint* *hint* and I do love reading them. I just don't trust myself to follow-through with that kind of commitment. Maybe later..

I've had fun with the challenge and I hope more people do it because it was great!

Day 29

Something you love about yourself..

I've already answered this, but I'm going to say something ELSE I love about myself! I think I'm a pretty good photo-taker-person! I wouldn't call myself a photographer.. I mostly pride myself on my photos of stationary objects. Maybe with time I could be better, but I am not confident when it comes to taking photos of people or animals. I think I take pretty good photos though! Here are a few shots..

This last one was taken today. My beautiful cousin Eliza was married today in the Salt Lake temple and it was wonderful! I was able to get a few shots around the photographer and it was great! I just did black and white around her and then added a diffuse glow and this is what I got! I'm super proud of this photo, obviously..

Day 28

Somewhere you would like to travel..

Honestly, I would love to go anywhere. In my opinion {I have yet to be corrected from personal experience} that everywhere has something to offer! Even on our long trip to Texas in February, we traveled a good way of that through New Mexico and there isn't much to see. BUT! I believe that if we had taken the time, we would've been able to see some awesome Native American sites, beautiful landscapes, sunrises/sunsets, etc! But, here is a list of places I'd like to see:

1. Back-East History Tour {Boston, Philadelphia, D.C., NYC, etc.} - I went on a church history tour after graduating in 2004 and it was an amazing experience. Besides stopping in Nauvoo, Palmyra, Winter Quarters, Independence, and Sharon, we also stopped in D.C., NYC, Boston {only had time to take photos at the new temple there}, and Gettysburg. Due to time limits, we didn't have nearly as much time as I would've liked at these places, so I would love to go back and spend more time.

2. Germany - This has always been a dream of Cody's, and I'm afraid I've inherited that dream. I'm not nearly as attached to this dream, but I would love to see Germany. Being in a different culture is so appealing to me! Especially a culture which likes to communicate with Americans to practice their English.

3. Alaska - I hadn't really thought about wanting to see Alaska until my parents were able to go on a cruise there with my aunts and uncles a few years ago. They went in the summer, but it didn't ever get warm enough to go out without a jacket of some kind. Now, that's my kind of summer! Everything looked breathtaking, so the photographer in me has been itching to go ever since I saw their photos.

4. San Francisco - I want to see Alcatraz, where Monk was filmed, where Mythbusters is filmed, redwood forests, the Golden-Gate Bridge! All of it! And there's so much history there! The San Francisco fires! Earthquake of 1906! My dad tells me it's a very romantic city too. What better place to go on an anniversary trip?! Hopefully, someday..

Like I said, I would be happy going anywhere. But there you have my list!

Day 27

Something that stresses you out..

1. Angry people.. Customers, husbands, family members .. It just sends my anxiety levels to the ceiling!

2. Weight-gain. Which, in turn, brings on more weight-gain. I could have it a lot worse, but it's still stressful when you can't keep a tight grip on your weight!

3. Change. When I got laid-off, I wasn't as stressed as I could have been. But having a change in my schedule/routine usually stresses me out. Cody can testify I wasn't my usual bubbly self during this time.

4. Acne. Again, this stress brings on more acne. I think I may have just found the right face wash (from Nu Skin, FIGURES), so I just need to calm down and stop touching my face.

5. Not being able to understand people. Inside jokes, new instructions, or just misunderstanding people. They just make me so angry!

Day 26

A movie you're excited to see..

Now that I've seen the last Harry Potter, I don't really have any movies I'm looking forward to. It was sooo good! There are a few that look like they'll be good, so I will probably see those..

Cowboys and Aliens looks pretty cool. First time I saw the trailer, I was like "worst title EVER!" but then I learned that it was the name of the graphic novel and they wanted to keep the name the same.. FINE! I've missed Harrison Ford, so I'm excited to see it.

And I'm afraid I wouldn't be American if I weren't at least a little excited about Captain America. The posters look awesome, at least.

Day 25

Something you miss...

Being young and carefree! Being a grown-up is no bueno..

Day 24

A book you're reading right now..

I've been working my way through the series for a little while now. I keep getting distracted by random books here and there, but I'm determined to finish! There's nine in the series, so I've got a few books yet. I was hoping to read through Harry Potter for the second time after I'm finished with W&G series. So many books and so little time!

Day 23

Something you crave a lot..

ice cream

milk

shakes

cereal

bread

rolls

oompas {I can't find them anywhere... BOOO!!!}

Day 22

What makes you different from everyone else?

I laugh at most everything! In my opinion (and in many of my friends' opinions as well), I am one of the most easily entertained people you will meet. I used to feel a little put-off when people would tell me that. But now I consider it to be a blessing! I've never seen a movie I didn't have at least one positive thing to say about. I've been told that conversations with me are fun because I'm not a downer, I laugh at jokes, and I am engaging. I am a genuinely sweet person.

Day 21

A picture of something that makes you happy..

taking photos!

Day 20

A photo of something you can't live without..

His hugs.

Day 19

Nicknames you have; why do you have them..

I don't know if I know the reasons behind my nicknames, but I should at least be able to tell you who calls me them! *ahem*

Fefe - given to me by my babysitter when I was little, apparently. This one has stuck for most of my life.

Fe - Family and close friends (i.e. roommates and friends I've had FOREVER) call me this. This includes Cody. I feel like I'm in trouble when he calls me Felicia. Fe followed me from Highland, to Spanish Fork, and then all the way down to Cedar City, thanks to my roommates discovering it during the first few weeks of school. Most of my friends in Cedar City were first introduced with Fe, and then learned my real name later.

Eff-Word - When introduced to my old friend Shawn, he felt confident that he wouldn't be able to remember Felicia or Fefe, so he proceeded to call me Eff-word for the duration of our friendship. (not the swear, just like it's spelled)

Day 18

Plans/dreams/goals you have..

I think I've already covered most of this, but I suppose I could reiterate. My goals and dreams include being a stay-at-home-mom to 2-4 kids, to write a book someday, be a good wifey, make my home something to be proud of. My plans? To make ends meet and still have time and money left over to date my husband and go on fun trips together. We're actually hoping to go to Germany in September this year, but I'm hoping that since I've officially typed it on the interwebs that I haven't jinxed it. *fingers crossed*

Day 17

Something you're afraid of...

I would have to say my biggest fear is losing those I love. Every time Cody is late getting home from work or if I don't know where he is, that's all I can think about it. A late night phone call from a friend or family member sends my mind wandering as well. I'm sure I'm not the only one who worries about this.

Other fears I have are drowning, suffocating, fire, heights, spiders and snakes outside of cages (otherwise, I think they're pretty incredible), barbed wire, and most other things anyone is afraid of.

Day 16

Another photo of yourself..

Day 15

Put your *Zune* on shuffle: First 10 songs that play..

Since I don't have an iPod, I changed this to Zune {since they're awesome}:

1. Puscifer - World Up My Ass

2. Coheed and Cambria - Crossing the Frame

3. Michael Buble - You and I

4. Weezer - Butterfly

5. Them Crooked Vultures - Caligulove

6. Jack Johnson - Flake

7. Paramore - Where the Lines Overlap

8. Tool - Lateralus

9. Evanescence - Haunted

10. Queen - Another One Bites the Dust

Pretty awesome shuffle list, if I do say so myself :)

Day 14

A photo of you and your family..

Cody and I with my family

Cody's cousin Marcie, me, and Cody's niece Ashley.

Day 13

A letter to someone who has hurt you recently...

Dear Cody,

I love you, I am in love with you, you make me so happy, and I can't imagine life without you. Most days, I know you feel the same way. But then sometimes you get so upset with me and you say such hurtful things to me. We've been married now for over five years; I feel like much of that was happiness, don't you? We've accomplished so much and we've grown up lots together! I'm nowhere near perfect, but I've matured a great deal since we were first married. Unless you are truly thinking about leaving the next time you get mad, I would really appreciate you not threatening to that effect. It only makes things worse, and you know it. But if you are unhappy with us, with this marriage, by all means, just do it. You've already expressed that you think therapy would be a waste of time and money, but you've never said we didn't need it. Next time things reach "a breaking point", I will insist you either leave me or make a real effort to find an alternative to therapy for us to fix things. I am happy with you, I'm happy with our marriage, I'm happy with the way you are providing for us. Maybe I'm just too easy-going, but I would think me being happy would count for something. I love you and that's the end of it.

Love, Fe

Day 12

Something you love about yourself...

I'm sorry, but I have a few things. {SO VAIN!} I feel I've been very blessed to have the hair I have. I hated it when I was growing up because it was curly and I didn't feel like I could do anything with it. It was hell to brush through after baths (mostly because I hated brushing my hair.. endless cycle) and it was just tangled all the time! But then entered the straightener! Oh, blessed day. I love having the option to wear my hair curly or straight. I've missed having long hair lots since I cut it all off, but at least I can still wear it curly if I want.

Also, I really like my eyes. Nothing against brown or blue eyes, but I love having hazel because the color changes! My mom's eyes are a lot cooler than mine, but at least I got a small amount of the coolness. I also got my dad's bushy eyebrows, and normally I would complain about them. BUT! I've got the tweezing down now so I love them! I love that I don't have to draw my eyebrows on. I love that they are full, dark, and defined.

Last thing, I like to think that I am a positive person. This blog hasn't always seen that side of me, but I think I do a pretty good job of being happy and being kind to other people. This makes retail a good fit for me, except I don't really like working with customers.. Nu Skin has been great for me because they are technically customers, but they are familiar enough with the company and the policies that I don't usually have to worry about them being annoyed or angry.

Day 11

A photo of something that makes you happy..

That's right. Right now anyway, Harry Potter makes me very happy. ALSO, having all of them in paperback would make me so so happy. Someday, hopefully. NEXT WEEK IS THE MIDNIGHT SHOWING OF PART TWO OF DEATHLY HALLOWS! I'm so freaking excited.. Hopefully photos will follow that day.

Day 10

Songs you listen to when you are Happy, Sad, Bored, Mad..

I'm going to go ahead and change this one up a little to suit my preferences! I listen to either Ke$ha, Tool, Eminem, Britney Spears, or Skrillex when I work on Mondays at Nu Skin because that's the stocking day and those bands keep me pretty well entertained. They help to keep my energy up a bit while I'm lifting boxes and walking around. In the car, I like music I can crank up and roll down the windows. Those would include Coheed and Cambria, Avenged Sevenfold, Disturbed, Paramore, or Foo Fighters. I will listen to any of these bands for the most part no matter what my mood is.

Day 9

Something you're proud of this year..

I don't know if I've already posted about this on here, but I recently (end of May) cut 10.5 inches off my hair and donated it to Locks of Love. This has been a goal of mine for a few years now and it felt so good to finally be able to do it. It took a while to grow my hair out since I had highlights in it before (you can't donate bleached hair). Don't get me wrong, I really miss my long hair. But it's helps to know that my hair will help someone else. Look here for before/after photos..

Day 8

A letter to your parents..

Dear Mom and Dad,

My heart is just broken right now for you and the pain you're experiencing. I

would give anything to take some of these frustrations away and help, but I

can't. The only thing I can say is that you have loved us and wanted nothing

but the best for us our whole lives and there's nothing I appreciate more than

that knowledge. All you can do is your best and pray for the rest. Easier said

than done, I know.. But that is all you can do, really. Just know that I love

and appreciate you both so very much and I hope and pray for things to get better

very soon.

Day 7

How you hope your future will be..

Future has been something Cody and I have been thinking about quite a bit lately. We've been married for 5 years and besides buying two house, we don't really feel like we've accomplished much. We understand that buying a home is a great step for a married couple, but considering some of our high school friends are working on their 2nd or 3rd kids, we still feel a little behind. We've been making more and more money each year, but it seems like we've just adjusted our lifestyles to use up the extra cash. We have a nice big house (a little too big if you ask me), so it's natural that we should be focusing on having kids now, right?

We are. The last few months have been filled with conversations on what we need to do to get me in a part-time job and still be able to pay our bills. I'm currently working two part-time jobs, but we're not stable enough for me to just take one at the pay we're making. We're working towards cutting our monthly costs (car payments, other debt, etc.) and then that should make it possible for me to just have one part-time job. I think when we were first married, Cody was ok with the idea that I would have to work when we have kids. But now our goal is to have me stay home as much as possible. That's always been my goal, but Cody definitely sees the value in it now that we've grown up a little more.

THE POINT! What I hope for the future is this:

Having a few kids (2-4)

Keeping the house clean

Doing the laundry

Having a good dinner as a family every night

Going to church as a family each Sunday

Family prayer each night

Visiting Grandmas and Grandpas every weekend for a few hours

A chocolate or yellow lab to grow up with the kids

I want to be the kind of wife and mother that will help my husband be happy and not stressed out.

Day 6

Something you don't leave home without..

I have a list!:

wallet (I.D., cash, subway card, assorted reward cards, etc.)

chapstick (multiple.. I have to have options!)

lotion

whatever book I'm reading at the time

nu skin i.d. badge (I always seem to forget it when I need it, so I just keep it in my bag all the time)

keys

**as a downer note, Cody and I got in a fight last night and it ended with him saying that I should stay with my parents for a few weeks.. Also calling me a "crazy psycho" .. I spent the whole night expecting him to come back up to bed and we would both apologize to each other and everything would be ok. Instead, he spent the whole night down on the couch (cliche) and was obviously still upset this morning. Obviously on my side, I think he's being completely ridiculous, but I'm trying not to rush to my conclusions and assume there is more to his "tantrum". All of the communication I've got from him today has been "Some of the things you say and do just blow my mind, Felicia. I'm to a breaking point where I don't even know what to think or say to you." I guess I'm to the point where I'm this close to telling him to just leave me if he's not happy and get it over with. I don't want him to leave me, but I'm so sick of his threats and his end-of-the-world drama. So I just offered to sleep at my parents house tonight but that I want to talk about it. I am really surprised at how long this has lasted, our fights never last this long and we've had much worse arguments. Hopefully, I'll have an update from him soon because I refuse to live with my parents for a few weeks if he's not going to talk to me about it. *SIGH*

Day 5

A photo of somewhere you've traveled..

Cody and I drove to Denver during August of 2008 and it was so much fun! Probably one of my favorite trips. Pikes Peak was one of the highlights, for sure. Down in Denver on that day, it was around 90 degrees and up at the top of Pikes it was 40! I just can't believe they still have the cog train running during the winter! Colorado is a very beautiful state.

Day 4

A habit you wish you didn't have..

I guess this might be hard to explain, but I'm going to try.. One of the habits I wish I didn't have is running through conversations in my head. I find that this habit distracts me quite a bit, and it also does the opposite of what I wish it would do. I think I got into doing this because I wanted to be prepared with what to say to certain people depending on what they said or asked me. Make sense? For example, if Cody gets annoyed about something I've done, instead of trying to move on from whatever it was, I will sit and stew, thinking about what I could say next that would either teach him a lesson or incite an apology. This is only one example, and I know it's a little confusing. But I just feel like all it's ever done has made me come across slow or indifferent. I think it's important to think about what you say before you say it, but not to the extent that I do. I need to stop worrying so much about what I should say and just communicate with people. Especially Cody.

Day 3

A photo of you and some friends...

Cody, me, Kim, and Jason at the Spanish Fork Rodeo! I believe this was in July of 2008 when these two love birds were just starting out. Cody and I had been married for two years at this point. Jason and Kim are now married, but we used to spend so much time with them! Life happens and we've gotten a little busy, but they are super awesome! Dressing up for the rodeo is one my favorite summertime activities, and Jason and Kim introduced me to that! I used to just go in normal clothes.. PSHAW! I hadn't lived until I dressed up, obviously.

Day 2

The meaning behind your blog name..

I named my blog "writenow" in an attempt to get me to write more often, I suppose. I do so love writing and creating, so it's something I've always wanted to work on more. I just love the feeling of getting an idea and writing it to death. But don't we all? This blog has turned into a rant-fest and I'm just not happy about that. Hopefully this 30-day challenge will help me do better. Don't get your hopes up! But I will try. I also changed up the blog a bit tonight, so I hope it is pleasing to the senses. GREEN!!!

*ahem*

Day 1

A recent photo of you and 15 facts..

1. I'm just now realizing how much I miss my long hair.. I donated 10.5 inches!!! :(

2. Ever since going on a church history tour back in 2004 and being in the "green family", I've been obsessed with the color green.. Especially kelly green!

3. Breakfast is my favorite meal of the day! I just love breakfast foods and I could eat it all day everyday if I could!

4. It took quite a long time to figure it out, but I have the coolest brothers I could have asked for. Kris, Jake, and Jeremy are so freaking awesome; I love them and I feel blessed every day.

5. I have to clip my finger and toe nails weekly. I can't handle them getting long at all; it grosses me out!

6. I like dividing my skittles (and any other colored candy, for that matter) into groups and eat them lightest to darkest.

7. Unless I'm in a particularly bad mood, I will laugh at most everything. Many friends can attest to this fact.. :)

8. Coming up with 15 interesting facts is proving to be harder than I anticipated!

9. I love converse shoes!

10. I may have some OCD tendencies, but don't most people? {please?}

11. I inherited my dad's bushy eyebrows. Even though I have to tweeze to keep them under control, I appreciate not having to draw my eyebrows on..

12. I suck at the blogging game right now, but I LOVE reading everyone's blogs.. *hint hint*

13. I love most types of music, just depends on the artist.

14. Kings of Leon irritates me so much...

15. I'm a pretty nice person :)

Here I go..

After a few days of research (aka browsing the internet 30 minutes for two days), I've decided that I want to combine the lists I've found and make it my own. I will do my darndest to do this everyday, but I doubt I will {just being realistic here, kids}.

30 Day Blogging Challenge!! {ones I've finished are in italics, along with links!}

Day 01- A recent picture of you and 15 interesting facts about yourself.
Day 02- The meaning behind your blog name.
Day 03- A photo of you and some of your friends.
Day 04- A habit that you wish you didn’t have.
Day 05- A photo of somewhere you’ve traveled to.
Day 06- Something you don't leave the house without.
Day 07- How you hope your future will be.
Day 08- A letter to your parents.
Day 09- Something you’re proud of this year.
Day 10- Bands you listen to when you are Happy, Sad, Bored, Mad
Day 11- A photo of something that makes you happy.
Day 12- Something you love about yourself.
Day 13- A letter to someone who has hurt you recently.
Day 14- A photo of you and your family.
Day 15- Put your *Zune* on shuffle: First 10 songs that play.
Day 16- Another photo of yourself.
Day 17- Something you're afraid of.
Day 18- Plans/dreams/goals you have.
Day 19- Nicknames you have; why do you have them.
Day 20- A photo of something you can't live without.
Day 21- A picture of something that makes you happy.
Day 22- What makes you different from everyone else.
Day 23- Something you crave a lot.
Day 24- A book you're reading right now.
Day 25- Something you miss.
Day 26- A movie you're excited to see.
Day 27- Something that stresses you out.
Day 28- Somewhere you would like to travel.
Day 29- Something you love about yourself.
Day 30- This 30-day challenge and if you learned anything.

discoveries

The last little while I haven't been posting often like I wanted to.. But I've been finding new blogs and I've thoroughly enjoyed getting to know other bloggers. I wanted to introduce a few of them today so hopefully everyone can enjoy them!

The one I've been reading for a few years is NatTheFatRat.com. I don't even remember how I discovered her blog, but I haven't looked back since! I guess you could say I was first attracted to her because she was living in the big city (NYC) and she was an LDS-blogger. But there is so much more to Natalie and I just can't wait for her next post. She is married, has a new little boy (probably close to turning one this fall, I believe?), and two hilarious dogs. She is currently living in a tiny apartment and enjoying big city life with her beautiful little family. Favorite post, you ask? Way too many to choose from, but here are a few good ones.. Go forth and enjoy!

Another great blog is curiouser & curiouser. I just stumbled upon this gem this week but I love it! I guess you could say I don't read a lot of blogs that are *BAM* or super exciting, but I think I just prefer them that way. Maybe they're more intimate? I really like Kenzie's blog because in the short time I've read it, I feel like I've gotten to know her, and I feel like I can really relate to the things she's written about. PLUS! She has lots of yummy recipes to share! Also, I just love the title of her blog. Genius, I say! I DO have a favorite post, so check it out!

I may be a little biased about this next one, but she was my coworker! I've Come to the Realization is a super great blog! I started reading it while we were working together back in the day, but now that we're not conversing daily, it's been a great way to keep up with her life. Darah is a quiet person for the most part (at least when I worked with her) but she is not timid on her blog at all! She has always expressed her opinions (very well too!) and I've been very entertained by them! Here are some of her best entries..

Well, that about does it for now, kids. I will definitely post more when I have more time. In the meantime, update your blogs so I have more to read at work! kthnxbai.

"good" old days..

Remember how I used to actually write on this blog? Not just rants? Me too.. I'd like to get started with that again, but I think I've come to the conclusion that I wrote those stories during a time when Cody and I weren't getting along very well. And maybe he was my inspiration behind them? That makes me a little sad, but I guess a lot of people get their inspiration through their struggles.

I've recently decided to channel my school-age self and use a backpack instead of my traditional purse/handbag/messenger bag, so maybe I can have a notepad with me to write down any ideas that come to me. I really do like to write, but I've just been focusing so hard on other things these days, I just haven't thought about it. Here's to hoping I use this blog for what it was created! :)

grateful?

Even though I am pretty ok with where I am at right now, I'm still bitter about losing my job with American Crafts. And don't think for a second that I am bitter towards the company or my managers I had there. I just really wish I wouldn't have lost that job. It was such an amazing opportunity and I enjoyed my time there so much. The pay was great, my coworkers were so much fun, and the work was perfect for me. I never felt overworked (it took a week or two to get used to the workload), and I always felt appreciated. I guess I just wish that I had been given an idea if they would ever hire me back. I don't want to be the annoying former employee, but they never responded to an email I sent the same day they laid me off. All I said in the email was that I was grateful for the chance to work for them and that I appreciated the severance pay they were able to give me. As a side note, I asked if there might ever be a chance that I could reapply for the job. Isn't it fair to ask for my job back when the company is doing better financially? I think so. But I never got a response. That makes me wonder if they really did like me as an employee. I wasn't the only one laid-off, so I took comfort in knowing that I hadn't been "fired". But what if I was fired, but they hid it by calling it a "lay-off"?

When it comes down to it, that was probably the best job I've ever had and I'm just sad it didn't last longer and that I wasn't able get some kind of closure. Since Nu Skin's distribution center is across the street from AC's old warehouse, I find my thoughts turning to them more often than I'd like.

tired.

Isn't it incredible how we let people ruin our moods? I am just fascinated by my inability to dictate my own reactions to the things people say or do to me.


Tonight I got to spend time with Cody and it was a great. I had to work, but afterwards, we went to see Fast Five in the theaters. Super awesome movie, so I was a little excited about it as we were leaving. A little too excited as I was "making a spectacle" of myself and apparently embarassing him.


Doesn't matter how much I try, all of the warm fuzzy moments I spend with him will not erase how that feels. Here's to the hope that I will speak up and to the hope that he will learn how to talk to me someday. I'm going to bed.

*sigh*

Cody said I was crazy today. In one of my most not-crazy moments. Not sure what to say to that, really. On top of trying to be a better wife and work hard at my job so I can get a raise, now I get to figure out how to stop being crazy without funds for a therapist. Grrrrreeeeaaaat.

Oh, HAPPY GROUNDHOG DAY! Totally watching that movie tonight :)

Far From Home

another day in this carnival of souls
another night settles in as quickly as it goes
the memories of shadows, ink on the page
and I can't seem to find my way home


and it's almost like your heaven's trying everything
your heaven's trying everything to keep me out


all the places I've been and things I've seen.
a million stories that made up a million shattered dreams
the faces of people I'll never see again
and I can't seem to find my way home


'cause it's almost like your heaven's trying everything to break me down
'cause it's almost like your heaven's trying everything to keep me out


*click it*

Evaluation

DONE!

I just finished the fourth and final Twilight book. I started back on November 29th, so I'd say I finished pretty quickly! My review? The story was good and entertaining. Vampires will always been very sensual to me, that's why I've never been able to be fooled into the innocence these books attempted to portray. When it comes down to it, I've read paperback novels (aka SMUT) that were tamer than these books. But I've never specifically heard them declared as good or wholesome. I wasn't impressed by her writing talent, but I may have been biased because I recently finished Harry Potter. Another series written for the younger generation, but way beyond that reading level. Twilight is appropriate for the target audience.

Moral? I'm glad I read these books. Both for education and for enjoyment. I did enjoy them. I had more eye-rolling times than I usually do, but that comes with the demographic. I don't feel like I wasted this past month, but I probably wouldn't read them again. Stephenie Meyer had a great run for a first-time author, and I'm interested to see if she ever writes again. Unfortunately, I'm thinking she is set with royalties and won't publish much in the future.

Farewell, Jacob *sigh*

While watching New Moon:

Cody: "..Not a brain in his head."

Fe: "Oh, but what a beautiful head he has.."

Cody: "..."