I don't have a title yet, but I'm working on it! Let me know what ya'll think ..
Tap, tap, tap. I glanced across the waiting room, inwardly pleading that the nervous young man would have noticed my looks and ceased his finger tapping. No such luck. After deciding against chucking the lamp beside me in his direction, I looked up to Joyce at the front desk.
"What time do you have, Joyce?"
"It's 11:05, Kate. Dr. Stevens shouldn't be very much longer; her new ten o'clock is running a little late."
"Thank you, Joyce... How is your son doing, by the way? Still going to school here in town?"
"Yes, Kevin is doing fine, thank you."
She cleared her throat. All right, I can take a hint. Sensitive subject? She resumed her typing with her soft brown eyes squinted at the screen. I had been coming to this office for two years now, and her hair, squeaky black heels, and pastel knitted sweaters hadn't changed one big. The rhythm of her typing was soothing to me after so long, and I found I could sense her mood depending on the speed. She may not have felt the same relaxation from my presence, but Joyce Kinders approval was the least of my worries.
Finally, Dr. Stevens petite silhouette turned my attention from Joyce as Mr. Ten O'clock made his way gingerly out of her office. After shaking her hand, he quickly stuffed his hands into his pockets and began his slow, steady stride to his faded blue Ford Tempo downstairs. I watched him take a deep breath before starting his car; their session was definitely his first. Don't worry, it gets better.
Taking this as my signal, I quickly stood and slid into my chair in her office to begin our weekly "therapy" session. Keeping good hopes for some improvement was something I felt at the start of each meeting, but I knew that all depended on my cooperation and mood.
"Kate, how are you doing today? How was your week?" Finally shutting the door as well as dulling the late morning drum session, Dr. Stevens clicked her way to her seat behind her large desk. She had worn her strawberry hair down today, but the elastic around her left wrist would undoubtedly be used by the end of the day. Temperatures would be much too high for her to withstand her long hair on her shoulders and neck.
"Oh, you know. Same old. My mother called this morning."
"Did she? Well, did you have a nice chat?"
"She was worried about me. Big shocker... I don't know why it's so hard for her to just.."
----
She had called at 7:30 ... She knew I would still be asleep, but who knows what really went on in her head anyway. I tried to be civil, I really did.
"Hello?"
"Hi, dear. It's me, your mother. Are you feeling alright? You sound awful..."
"Nice to hear from you, Mom. It's early, is there something I can help you with?"
"Well, no. Kit, I'm just worried about you, is all. We were hoping you could have been able to make it yesterday. You know, Tads birthday."
"Yeah, I'm really sorry about that. I meant to call, is he there?"
"Well, no. He's gone off to work now. I'll have him call you when he gets home. Kate, are you sure you're okay?"
"Yes, Mom. Now, please try calling me later on in the day. You know I don't get up this early."
"Oh, of course! I'm sorry about that, I don't know where my head is this morning! Heaven forbid ... Now, if you're sure..."
"Yeah. I'll talk to you later, okay? Love ya."
"Oh, love you too, dear. Make this a good day."
"Bye, Mom."
"Toodles!"
---
"Kate? I asked why you didn't go to your brothers birthday dinner."
Snapping away from my daydream, I cleared my throat and began to run through the possible excuses. I knew where this was going, and I didn't really want to go into it.
"Well, I don't hate my family, if that's what you're getting at..."
"Of course not, Kate. You had yesterday off, so I know you weren't working."
"You know how everything is such short notice with those people."
"Your family? I thought you had all of their birthdays memorized..."
"I do. I do, but that's not the point. They just expect me to drop everything on the spot. I just... I just don't have time. It's not like my dad was there either."
"Kate, don't change the subject to your father. I'm sure Tad wanted you there, but he can't blame your dad for you not being there. That doesn't change anything either, all you can do now is deal with Tad. What did you do last night?"
"I went out for a drink with Tessa. She's been trying to get me out meeting guys, but I just can't. So, we just had two beers at Malloy's then I headed home for the night. I was watching the news, and there was a robbery turned murder a few nights ago."
"Oh, Kate. I thought you decided not to watch the news anymore. And after you'd been drinking? We've been making good progress lately..."
"I know. I thought so too, that's why I thought it would be okay to just watch the weather." I took a deep breath. I knew she would ask me to continue, so I prepared myself and got started before she could ask. "I saw his face..." The face I've been trying so hard to let go. "When I went to bed, he was there, lying in his spot. I talked to him again. I begged him to leave me alone in peace, to move on with my life." I had cried as well, but didn't feel that needed to be brought up.
"Kate, getting your feelings out is very healthy. Crying is normal, given your situation. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. You may not have been raised to believe that, but it's true. Did you get any sleep?"
"Probably four to five hours. Not bad, but I would've gotten more if it hadn't been for my mother. I really messed up with Tad, didn't I?"
"Don't be so hard on yourself. You have some catching up to do, but you can do it. I don't think he's given up on you." He's always been the forgiving one.
"I'll give him a call tonight sometime."
"What about work? Didn't you say you wanted to go back to school here pretty soon?"
"I've just been saving up my money for tuition. It will probably be next year, but I'm definitely doing it. Hair design can only take me so far..."
"Your job does give you a steady paycheck though, so you need to count your blessings. I'm glad you were able to get promoted to management last year."
"Yeah, me too. I would've had to get rid of the house had I stayed with the tips and minimum I was making before. That was the motivation, it was our dream house..." The tears threatened and I turned my head to recover my composure before it was too late. I choked out a laugh, "I've been working too hard saving for the tuition actually. I've been thinking about taking some time off to get away..."
Dr. Stevens jumped so high, she nearly fell out of her seat. "That's it! You haven't had time off since the funeral! You've been saving those personal days for years, it's time you got to go somewhere." She frantically began searching through her organized mess, finally coming up for air with some travel brochures. She unloaded her arms on her desk, beckoning me closer.
"I have a few time shares, they're locations are in here somewhere. If any of them sound good to you, no questions asked, they're yours. My travel agent is amazing, so just look through those and let me know if I can help you with anything. Kate?"
My eyes had been drawn to a brochure advertising a history tour in Boston. For all the love of history I had always had, I had never been able to make it to the east coast. Rich with heritage, I was kicking myself for never having been there. "Uh, yes. I'll let you know. Thanks for all the help and ... materials, Dr. Stevens." I gathered everything up, made my way out of her office and shuffled down to my car.
Looking at my trusty old Golf, my mind wandered back to when Ambrose had purchased it for me. He had gotten it for a bargain for our two year anniversary and was just in time to cheer me up after a hard decision had been made. We had decided against having children for a few years, and even though I was glad for more time as a couple, I had needed some persuasion.
---
"We have plenty of time, Kit. Just think how awesome it will be to do our East-Coast tour without a rug-rat to look after."
"Nice, Ambrose. I'm glad you see our future children as rodents!"
"You know that's just an expression. Come on, how about a new car? You just need a change of scenery."
Reluctantly, I accepted his offer. But I couldn't shake the possibility that we might not, in face, have "plenty of time".
---
Pulling into my driveway, I realized I had completely blanked out the 10 miles between the office and my house. Nice, Kate. I hope you didn't take out any old ladies on the way here. Giving my car a once over to be sure, I headed over to get the mail and go inside. It was officially Spring, but the remnants of the long Winter were still clinging to my home in Franklin, Nebraska. It was windy days like this that I was grateful for the small garage that Ambrose had been so insistent in having. His prized spare parts still lined the sides; I had been planning on selling everything to his fellow enthusiasts but hadn't gotten far. Blocking the smell of diesel oil, I stepped into the kitchen to be welcomed by the familiar scent of home.
We had bought it on a whim; the market was great and the price was right. The house had been a little big, but we knew we would be growing into it sooner or later. After my first worse nightmare had happened, my next threatened to come true as the bills began racking up and creditors seemed to have me on speed dial. However, thanks to my promotion and a little boost from Ambrose great aunt Cathy, I was able to stay in our dream home for the time being.
I tossed the brochures on the table and began sifting through the mail. I counted a total of three credit card offers for Ambrose... Each envelope reading You're Pre-Approved!
"Ha! Really? I doubt that!" I screamed. My fingers went to my lips, silencing them. My eyes shifted from one side of the kitchen to the other, almost in search of judging eyes, finding none. Talking to credit card companies, Kate? Give me a break.
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