Sometimes..

Sometimes I really wish I could turn off my emotions. For example, when someone is yelling at me through the phone at work, when Cody and I are arguing about the day's subject, or when I see cute old people working at Walmart. When I care about something strongly, I cry. I never used to be this way, but I've developed this since being married. I love him so much, any time I make him angry, it makes me sad. I cry when I'm upset! But it's not that I believe crying will fix anything, because I know it won't.

I pray for comfort every day. I pray for patience, and gratitude, and for kind customers to come my way. I pray even harder that either Cody or I will be able to find something better. Whether that ends with me finding a great warehouse job and Cody stays with HP or if he were to find a job that pays enough for me to quit or at least go to part time .. I would be overjoyed at either option.

Honestly, I would love it if I could just turn off these emotions and be ok with sitting for 8 hours, taking complaint after complaint, and then coming home to not much else. But I'd much rather learn my lesson and move on from this point in my life. There are so many other people out there going through the same or worse, so I don't think my turn is coming up.

I have moments when I realize how lucky I am and those are tender mercies to be sure. I know those are ways of comforting me when I'm losing hope. But it's hard to keep my positive attitude when everything is so out of my control. I'm hoping this Thanksgiving season will get me in the right spirit to appreciate the things I have. We had a little turkey/mashed potato dinner at my in-laws last night that got me excited for the big meal coming up at the end of the month :)

Back to work..




**Edit** I know my entries have been uber-depresso recently, but they'll get better eventually, I swear! Thanks for reading anyway and all of your positive comments!