Ya know what I'm sick of? Being so in love with someone who doesn't respect me. The person I'm supposed to raise a family with.. And he will probably end up critizing everything I do when we have kids, just like he does now. I do a pretty good job of finding the negative things in life (something I'm trying to work on) but it doesn't matter what I do right, he always points out the things I do wrong.
But what pisses me off the most? It's the fact that when he does something wrong (i.e. spilling entire pitcher of red punch on the carpet twice, leaving doors unlocked when we've been out, etc.), I'm too concerned with letting things go because he's human and I love him. If I were to have done those things, I'd never hear the end of it! I bite my tongue all the time, and for what? I can only imagine how hellish our marriage would be if I nit-picked every little thing he did that bugged me. He already does that to me, I can't imagine what he would do if I treated him this way!
Sometimes I'm a little snotty with him, I'll admit that. But heaven forbid I look at him weird or say something "stupid" when he's in the wrong mood! I'm so sick of walking on eggshells and weighing every word out of my mouth. Today, for example.. We were driving passed an ad for a guy running for senate. Cody asked who the guy was, and stupidly thinking he hadn'e been able to read "U.S. Senate" at the bottom of the sign, I said, "He's running for senate".. Fast-forward to 15 minutes later after he tells me several times how stupid an answer that was and what on earth was I thinking to say it. Am I the only one who doesn't understand why he is so upset by this?! I don't even say "duh" if he gives me an obvious answer to a question!
I am polite for no reason. Being kind and expecting it in return is pointless in this relationship! I just don't get it! I know I should talking to him about it, but all I would get in return is guilt for bringing up the past or being unforgiving! Who else thinks we need therapy? Or even just me, so I can learn to freaking stand up for myself sometimes! I try and it only makes him more angry and he just yells over me. What's the point? Last I checked, marriage was a partnership, not just sharing incomes and living together! But that's what I feel like sometimes. I feel like I'm arguing with my superior.
End rant. By the way, I had to read this through three times to make sure I didn't misuse "to" (to, too, two) and correct all the misspellings!
Felicia.. I definitely feel for you.
ReplyDeleteI read a book (and I hope this advice isn't inappropriate or out of place or anything) called 'The Verbally Abusive Relationship'. Really it just explains how relationships should and shouldn't be, and gives some good advice on how to deal with people like that when you're in a relationship with them.
It would have helped me I think if mine wasn't such a hopeless case. (Not due to lack of trying!)
I think there is much hope and potential for you and Cody but you need to stick up for yourself! You can't feel as though you have to walk on eggshells around him for the rest of your life. You will never be happy! And you shouldn't have to just deal with everything he dishes out and get verbally attacked anytime you do the slightest thing wrong!
Someone outta smack that boy upside the head!
p.s. I think you're following my old blog 'bliggity blog' my new one is violatorblog.blogspot.com. Bliggity blog sounded lame to me after awhile!
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Awwww Fe, I totally know how you feel and can definitely relate to this. My relationship is the exact same way, but lately I have had the overwhelming urge to explode everytime he asks me a question I think is stupid, but I hold my tongue or get really short and snotty with him. And yes, with kids, it does get a lot worse. I'm still working on what I need to do to communicate better with him and to make him see that he is not always right and I'm not always wrong. Ugh. Oh life. When I find the answer, I will let you in on it. I love you and keep being the strong woman you are!
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