Blessing?

I know you guys have read about my frustrations about not being able to start our family because of work and finances.. But I'm starting to think our excuses have actually benefited us. We will celebrate our 5th anniversary in February and it's great. We probably won't even end up doing anything fun, but we've been lucky enough to travel to Cali the last four years. These past five years have been some of the hardest, most stressful years of my life. I can't say for sure, but I think I would've thought more seriously about getting married, had I actually thought about it at the time. But these years have also been the most rewarding and enlightening I've had. That being said, what would this time had been like if we'd been able to have children right away? I wasn't ready for marriage, and I am still doubtful as to whether or not I am ready to be a mother. But I know that after these five years, I'm much closer than I would have been back then.

Life is crazy, and I'm still not where I want to be personally. I don't feel like I know who I am, and having children wouldn't make that any easier. Since I can't just go hitch-hiking across Europe to find myself, I know that I just need to fully rely on the Lord to guide me in the right direction and to work on me. This past year has been wonderful since finding my new job, but I feel I've drifted away from the good habits I took

up to get through the hard times last year. I'm a textbook example of taking things for granted when times get good. Things are still really good, but I find that I'm getting discouraged much too easily the last few weeks and I know why. I just need to do what I'm supposed to, and hope that Cody will follow my good example. I'm just glad I didn't get laid-off to get the point across this time.

And for warm fuzzies... One of our anniversary photos: