Sunday, November 7, 2010

Blunt friends..

Cody and I have gotten to the point where we are mostly happy, but we have trouble sometimes. At least, that's how I felt until I talked with my best friend Jess yesterday for five hours. I guess I've been so busy telling myself that I really am happy, I don't really know how I feel anymore. It started out as just talking to my best friend about what's new. That led to talking about latest fights and then Jess asked more about how he talks to me and what he expects of me.


Because I want so badly to be the wife and mother who takes care of everything, I've taken it upon myself to do it, even though I don't have the means, time, or energy to do so. I just don't. We both work full time, and even though I get home before Cody, I don't have the imagination that comes from feeding a family for 25 years (i.e. coming up with something to make off the top of my head) and I guess I feel pressured to be like that.



I've talked about this before, but Cody doesn't treat me like an adult, let alone his wife. Whether or not I've done things to make him feel superior to me, I don't deserve it and I can't let him get away with it anymore. Jess just listened to me give her examples of this endless circle and then spent an hour talking me through how I can effectively express these feelings to Cody. Moral of the story is: I want to be married to Cody. I'm in love with him and I want things to work out. But that doesn't mean that I should put up with things I'm not happy with just to keep him happy. I shouldn't have to walk on egg shells like I do. What's most frustrating is that even though he treats me this way, I've never really done anything to stop it.



My new task is to talk to him. I've decided that to get my words out the right way, I'd rather write him a letter. That way, I won't lash out if he interrupts me or argues. And he can't walk out of the room when I'm talking. I won't cry.. I don't know what's going to happen, but I fasted today so that his heart would be softened and that I would be able to choose my words carefully.
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4 comments:

  1. DeliriumNovember 7, 2010 at 2:17 PM

    Hey! Good luck with talking to him, you are so right and you shouldn't have to put up with things that are making you unhappy.

    I'm glad your posting more often!

    -bonnie

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  2. FeNovember 7, 2010 at 4:26 PM

    Thanks, Bonnie! I like blogging, I just need to make time!

    ReplyDelete
  3. DarahNovember 9, 2010 at 2:40 PM

    Awww don't stress over it Fe. You could do meal plans. I felt the same way and then I started to relax and not be so obligated to do this and that. It's made me happy and I'm able to enjoy things a bit more. Maybe because my energy drinks help me to relax too, but still. I'm sure you are doing a great job and just let Cody know how you feel. I like writing letters too because I always get so emotional.

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  4. FeNovember 9, 2010 at 3:09 PM

    Well, I gave him the letter and even though he was a little sad at first, I think we're going to be ok. Cody is a good husband :)

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