Love Dare

I never thought that having a spouse not involved in my religion (for the last few years of our marriage) would really control the way that I chose to be involved. Over the years, I've definitely come to find out that's false, but never to this extent. Something I truly believe I should be doing is, at this point, not something I'm allowed to do. Due mainly to our finances, but I believe he isn't allowing it also because he doesn't believe I should have to. To attend the temple, however, this practice is required and I am more than happy to oblige. I've been without the blessings of the temple for over a year now and so I have a hard time not being bitter toward my husband for preventing me. Whenever we argue about it, he cruelly suggests I walk to work and sell our car so that I can do it. Or get another job. Right now, I have a full-time warehouse job. Truth be told, it doesn't pay a lot, but it is full-time. I have also been picking up extra shifts doing data entry for an alarm company. Now that the weather is getting better, I have half a mind to take him up on that suggestion and walk or ride my bike to work. My main job is in the same town we live in, so it wouldn't be hard to do that. But if it came down to that, he wouldn't sell my car because we both love it. The point I want him to see is that the sacrifice is worth it to me. I would gladly walk everywhere if it meant I could attend the temple. And this is where I see how being married to someone who believes differently is hard.

So, I've decided that now would be a good time to try The Love Dare. I've attempted it in the past, but I never got more than 5 days into it. Being bitter and resenting him isn't going to help him find his way back to the church. Patience, love, and understanding will. I've been trying to get him to come back for the last 4 years or so, to no avail.

When I first started typing this, I was on the verge of tears, but now I feel much more calm and I know that means that what I'm about to do is good. Who knows, it might not even give me the exact results I want. But the point is to be more loving and kind towards my husband and maybe he will repay me in kind. I would like to document my progress here, to also help me write more. So wish me luck! I know I cannot do what I am attempting without the Lord's help, and in his own way, I know he will help me.